Love

This is something I've been saving. I felt I wasn't ready, or emotionally mature enough to talk about love but then I realized- love is something every living organisms deserve. But most of all- it's something that never comes in similar packaging. Love is how you create, respond to, and accept the organic flow of love.

After watching the Bachelorette's After the Final Rose tonight- I reminded myself what love meant for me. It may mean a fairytale ending for others, it may mean a concidence for others, even it may mean this wordless bond you have for someone. Falling in love is different for everyone- it doesn't require a knight in shining armor/ or a beautiful princess, sweeping you off your foot. It doesn't require having another person feeling the same for you- now this is my case.

I'm not saying he doesn't love me- no. He just holds his feelings on a different side of the boat. At first it sucked but now the more I realize hence the move I am making- I'll be further away from the 'society' I am in.. the lower 48 the more I understood. I knew I was already in love with him but I never considered it authentic only because he didn't have the same feelings. That is completely wrong. Just because someone didn't share the mutual feeling with you shouldn't debunk any of your experience with love.

What love is like for me so far: Realizing that you can ramble without any worries that this person's opinion of you would change after the ramblings you just made. Having this instant natural bond, without any effort. Getting hurt and facing the hard truth- it pushes your self-actualization button. Making hard process- working on the friendship with this person. Understanding that you're in love with this person even though the feelings may diminish from time to time. Not caring that the person is opposite from what you usually like--height-wise (I'm 5'10.) Not caring that the person is smaller than you. Not caring that the person is sometimes called out as the good looking one (talking about better looking than Brad Pitt..**entirely opinionated) and knowing that I may pass as Mandy Moore sometimes but don't get called out that often.  Breaking society's rules- being BFFs and being frankly transparent when it comes to public demonstration of affection. Ignoring others' perspective of my friendship/relationship status towards this person. And yes: building a swell fort on a school night to just take few hours off and watch a movie; not caring about those deadlines mounted on the to-do box. (is there even a to-do box??)

Love is a peculiar friend I met and dined with--but this kind of love has taught me so much. It has helped me become courageous, do what is for best, and speak the truth. 


and most of all- love is something that taught me about: letting it go. 





 if you're reading this: this one is for you, my sparrow. I love you.