Joe, I'm over you

I decided that it would be better for me if I stopped seeing Joe. Yes, Joe does its job of making me feel productive. Joe smells really good, makes things much more cozier somehow. But Joe makes me spend money, feel jittery, and sweat twice the amount during vinyasa classes. Also Joe gives me the occasional breakouts... I just cannot continue. Yes, I am not an avid coffee drinker anymore.

I usually like it black, or if I'm in less "bold" mood I get a latte. But as the months pass by I grew more and more dependent on coffee. My day does not start until 30 minutes after coffee consumption. There was one time where I had some agency paperwork to do and it was pretty hefty, I didn't want to do it until I drank another cup of coffee. Within hours I finished everything. I pondered where did the natural source of energy I used to had went? In college I admit I did not rely entirely on coffee but I also drank redbull and monster...not good. But in my high school days..I got work done without assistance of coffee!

I decided to do it cold turkey, I'm glad I was not a heavy drinker. If I was- I probably would turn into a craving monster. The first three days were horrible. Just horrible. I tried hoaxing myself with tea, nothing worked. Then as the days pass by, it became less difficult and I'm going in third week without coffee. I am happy that I'm not a dependent anymore but it takes time to restore my natural energy source. And my wallet is much happier! I admit, I still carry my to-go cup with tea in it. I just think it look cool drinking my cute cup. Makes me look productive!

Life's great, just different lately. I've been really focused on myself. 

Revisiting Memories

1.  I told myself I'd not wear my Bogs in DC and I was way wrong. I felt too attached to them.
2.  Union Market opened its doors after I graduated and they have this coffee shop that brews their coffee using a  "clever dripper" which makes me want to disown my little french presser.
3. I went five years of school without visiting Hirshorn -_-
4. Another place I did not explore: National Arboretum Park w/ Lizzie
5. "Cube Light" exhibit @ Hirshorn
6. Out of The Ordinary exhibition @ Hirshorn
7. Capitol Corinthian Pillars @ NAP
8. Visited Piet Mondrian!
9. "Streets are gold again when you bring laughter to my soul" -My Sparrow 
10. Butter, what else?
11. Anchorage + DC = Georgetown Cupcake
 

Visiting Gallaudet University as a visitor still felt comforting. The barista at Gallybucks still remember my order, and the Marketplace cashiers still remember me. They asked me where I've been and how I've been. I love their face when I tell them I currently live in Anchorage. But Gallaudet is no longer a place that I call home. There were many new faces, new changes, and new renovations. There were more newer systems that I didn't had when I was a student. A lot has changed in less than a year. I forgot how fast paced Gallaudet life is. I missed Anchorage so quickly after two days of my stay but Gallaudet is a place where I'll always cherish forever. 

Never Say Never

This was me a little while ago. It's funny because when I took that picture, I have not even learned how to snowboard. I did not know what I'd gotten myself into. Let's just say I was more into the 'look' of a snowboarder. How superficial of me? I know, I know. My segments with learning how to shred came down to being able to control my board using toes. When it came to heels, I just did not nail it. I am still struggling to. It's all fear. It's all mental and it is a lot harder than I thought- to conquer that mentality siege of "I can't." Anyways, this post is not about snowboarding. In fact it is about..skiing. Cross Country (XC). I spent good two-ish years of making fun at my bestie just because he liked to ski. Then....

Last Sunday I decided it was time. With fresh inches of powder on our ground, why not? I decided to ask my XC expert if she would want to guide me through my first interaction with skis. She agreed and the outcome? I loved it. I sure fell while going downhill a bit quickly, or while I was trying to figure out how to glide perfectly with my poles. I spent five minutes figuring how to lock my boots into the skis. (fun.) I tried to get up as I would with my board, nothing worked until I looked at the skis. And it just figured itself out. It was also a huge stress reliever for me. It was a good workout for me. I am really sore as I blog! (or is it me just not being in shape?)  I was drenched in sweat after two hours of park-hopping with my XC skis. I cannot lie but I caught myself laughing on my butt on the skis, thinking: "I cannot believe I'm on those skis actually.. sitting on it." Next time I will make sure I have my full XC gear on- snowboarding gear is just too hot. I smelt nice after I was finished skiing.


Here's a verification:

P.S.

Future XC dates are looking very sufficient ;)

A Little Something from an Ikeda

The feeling of surrealism becomes real all of the sudden when an artifact is in your hands. My younger uncle died of a massive stroke month ago. He was a sweet lad, an uncle that I'm not close with. He is the baby sibling of all five kids- and the only unexpected kid. My great grandmother had him when she was in her 40's. Because of that, he was born with some learning disability and autism. I have some fond memories of meeting him for first time- I asked him if I could have his 3D camera, and he wouldn't say yes or no. He showed me the printed pictures instead and it was so cool! I also timed his timing in the bathroom, he spent 3 hours showering, shaving, and relaxing. After he came out, me and my 11 years old self asked him why it took him long there. He nodded and walked into his room. He liked to have camera with him at all times so he could capture things that fascinated him. I never had conversation with him but I kind of knew by having each others' presence is enough.

It is hard for me to describe my feelings when I learned he had a stroke all by himself at his mobile home. He spent five days on the floor until his pastor came in. The whole ordeal broke my heart and it made me much afraid of being alone. But the last time I saw Sam was maybe more than ten years ago. It didn't feel real since all of this happened in Florida.

But just until my grandmother sent me his stuff that she think I'd like to have.

It was that camera he refused to let me have when I was 11! I smiled when I held it in my hands. At first I felt like I was getting mail from my grandmother but until I saw Sam's mailing label placed on the camera. It hit me, it belonged to him. It is his. He labeled because it was his property and because if someone found it- he would have hoped to get it back. It just showed how much he valued the camera. One small symbolic interaction provided this transparency to his feelings. To his relationship with the camera. I felt empty and sad but then I turned it around, with this realization that I have something that was important to him with me now. I now have a little bit of something from Sam with me. I felt instead of having his spirit with me, I have something physical. He lived a grand life, he ran in many races and frequently ate cereal for dinner. He sure lived life his way, and I intend to follow in his footsteps.

A Little Wear and Tear

I moved to Anchorage to put myself through things that will teach me a lot more about myself. I've mentioned this several times but I'll still say this: I really turned out a bit differently than I thought I'd be.

I've learned that being heartbroken comes in so many different forms. It does not require an intimacy relationship to fail in order to validate a heartbreak. You can be heartbroken over someone you've never ever been with. And probably will never be with. Is there any kind of formula that can heal the broken dreams? Is there even a formula that helps you with your pride? And is there even a magic formula that mend things without any single effort?

Definitely not. It begins with myself. Time will heal stuff. When you're between a hard place and your selfishness- where do you go? I really wish I had a map for this route, I do.

On a lighter note, I'm the 15th Baker Babe at The Militant Baker!

Nostalgia Attachment

     My cousin Iva Ikeda chatting with my granny; Nancy Ikeda

    Bay Bridge- iconic landmark of the Bay Area!

        You know you're home when Mum makes those gingerbread cookies!


Home was really great, I spent most of my days vegging out majorly. I was really burnt from work and needed the rest. I also enjoyed watching Bay Area people bulking up on hats, scarves, and down jackets. I look at them with this thought of the coldness I endured in Anchorage. I have grown way more attached to my family than ever. Friends used to be my top priority in college, I only call my parents whenever I needed something- mostly money. I do love my family but did I really value them? I remember choosing to stay with this ex in Alaska over being there for my brother's oral maxoficial surgery which I now regret. It was a low blow, a poor decision. If me and my 23 years old self could go back in time, I would have NOT stayed in Alaska! But again, it was a nice way of reflecting on how much I've changed over time.

I am still struggling with the idea of settling down in Anchorage and the only reason is: my family. They're in the Bay Area and the commute is not too bad but somewhat exhausting. I did not understand how I did not have any problem commuting from Oakland to Baltimore back then. Maybe its just me getting older and a little uncomfortable flying for long period of time? (thanks to layovers in Seattle)

 So when I went home for holidays, I found myself dreading to go back to Anchorage. I did not want to go out with my friends, instead I stayed in for New Year's Eve. I was working on an art project and felt really content that I'm home with Daddy & Brother. I really did not want to leave but when I arrived Anchorage there was a strange sense of relief. A serene feeling. I went out with my friends immediately the following day. No Family around, I felt more than welcome to see my friends I guess. Anyways-  It finally snowed in Anchorage but it was like putting tons of icing on ice :(

23 Before 24: Somehow Incorporate the Color of Lavender into my Hair

Here I go! I love the look, embracing my youth before I'll have to stick to society-appropriate hair color with future job I may hold. And its nice to have some color to lift me up during the dark days in Anchorage. Our sun does not come up until 10:04 AM and goes down right before 4:30 PM. We got lots of snow on other day and it finally look like a winter wonderland here :D and much warmer! I appreciate 30 degrees weather even more after enduring a week or two of below zero degrees weather. Your nose hair freezes up the first thing you go out! As of now, I'm loaded with to-do's for my work before I can fly back to the Bay Area. I cannot wait to be with my family and see my cat once again!