Half Awake

Ever had your own kind of rock bottom before? With something that you're comfortable doing frequently? Last July I took really good care of myself. I nailed my 30 days of yoga challenge at Anchorage Yoga. I built my way up to doing THY classes (traditional hot yoga) by strategically increasing my practice in hot flow, bikram, then THY. On day 30 I wrapped up my entire challenge with a THY class which I participated in beautifully. I've learned that its always best to not eat 3 hours before practice. I've also maneuvered my way into choosing what type of fuel: banana for hot yoga, chia and cinnamon apple sauce for all vinyasa flow classes, and smoothies for deep stretches. I've also mastered the meal planning around my schedule where it led me to my best during practice. Lastly and most importantly; I've adopted Ayurvedic principles into my life. All of it fell into right place.

fast forward to today: I've not done THY since July 5th and today after first fifteen minutes; I cannot handle it. I spent most of class into lotus position and the remainder 30 minutes in shavasana position. Was I embarrassed? The first 30 seconds, I was. Then I realized that it is a truly symbolic moment of how I am surrendering myself. The first ten minutes consisted of me trying to hold onto my ovaries by getting up constantly and doing asana but my stomach wouldn't cooperate. My vision was off. My mentality held on its own- it knew what I am doing is good for me and I LOVED what it did to me during July.

Beads of sweating constantly forming onto my forehead, well--every pore of my body. I sat down and made eye contact with the instructor then signaled "I'm done." He asked me to stay in the room for the full duration of the class because my body still will receive the benefits of THY. Rather than leaving, I patiently searched for comfort. I sat and watched all bodies into motion. It was painstakingly beautiful. Every limbs are different yet they are trying to achieve the same thing together. Every joints moved in unison, their toes all straightened towards the wall. I looked at my rib cages and noticed that my skin was peeling off. Suddenly I gained a sense of renewal. After completing my 30 days challenge, A LOT has happened. I went into a really dark place I haven't been to in life. To sum it up; changes has occurred too much. Beyond my control and of course I didn't like it. Because of my disapproval, I cope by relying on my vices too much to the extent that it  is no longer a vice in my life. So today was a nice reflection of how I've been neglecting myself internally. Sometimes it takes you out of your comfort zone to give you that shake from the nap you've been taking.

I'm half awake. Thank Shiva for Yoga. Now, on to this other half part of me that is asleep.