Security

Why do I constantly find myself telling others that I am not settled down. Or that I'm not calling it my last year at _________. (the blank may consists term of: job, placement, residency, etc.)

What is wrong with telling others that I'm just going with the flow? The flow of life?

Security is the answer. I grew up sleeping with my mickey mouse stuffed doll and for the love of An Addams, I'm not telling you if I still sleep with it.
pause. I decided to replace my former lingo of saying "For the love of God" or "Oh my God" to something else and I choose to replace it with something that is also important in my life. So, if you think cupcakes are important to you and that you believe in it strongly- it does makes sense. Try this; "Oh my cupcake!" Now, get used to my saying of oh my Addams! I'm a hardcore, I know it. For Addams' sake- I wear black on Wednesdays. resume. I slept with it for the sake of security.

I have been innocently surfing the net for employment opportunities and found a nice one in Santa Fe.  Am I trying to leave Anchorage? or am I supposed to settle down with my loving boyfriend? I just got the apartment handed over to us and now we are to give that up? or am I giving it up because I want a better paying job? Those are hard questions I often ask myself and I find myself being self-centered with my answers. I just thrive for stability. I know that I can easily find that by establishing a routine. But stability just makes everything easier? Does it?

this sums up the tone of this entry:

I need to let go of this need for security and let this diagram guide me for next few months.